We visited the Pyramids on our last full day in Egypt. And, what went down was some Metal Gear shit. Stop reading now if you’re confused.
Faulkner was late in the waking. So, it was half past five by the time we got off at the wrong stop in Giza. We walked two miles to where we guessed the entrance was to what we were already snarkily calling an “amusement park.”
We expected hordes of tourists.
Overly helpful people shouted to us as we rushed past. “Are you going to the Pyramids? You know they’re closed, right?” I would always lie, “Son et lumière!” “Oh, ok!” There’s an overpriced Sound and Light show that we had no intention of attending.
But, we found the entrance fairly easily. The lead-up was surprising to me; because, I expected the nearby buildings to be fancy and new, the better to wow those foreigners. Instead, just follow the countless shady looking papyrus shops like so many breadcrumbs.
It’s not that you can miss the Giza necropolis. The Pyramids loom over the horizon and cityscape, like otherworldly constructs watching the teeming masses below.
They really don’t make ‘em like they used to.
We walked up to the ticket desk and gate with thirty minutes to spare. The officials happily took our 60 L.E. and noted, “Those aren’t for going inside Pyramids. Just for walking around.” We knew that— going inside wasn’t our plan.
What our plan was, consisted immediately of running as far back in the complex as possible. This was accomplished using some straight up Tactical Espionage Action.
You see, where we wanted to get to, the relatively unguarded backsides of the Pyramids, were closed. As everything was closed, tourists were being corralled to where we had just entered. Last sight: the Sphinx! Don’t let the doors hit you on the way out.
But, there are nowhere near enough police to patrol the entire several square kilometres of desert. Most of them patrolled set paths, watching the horizon for lost tourists trying to cross stacked stone barriers. All are equipped with whistles and radios. The whistles to blow when they’ve seen you, “BEEP BEEP BEEP!” And the radios to call for support.
As soon as I heard the squeal from nearby guard, I would look for a place to hide in the ever-present ruins. My Evasion Mode timer has begun!
Or, I’d peak out and wave my arms in spots far away from their patrol routes. “BEEP BEEP”— and I’d have guards running my way. All the better to double-back and pass where they were previously standing.
Twenty minutes of living a video game, I had made it. Sadly, Faulkner had to be sacrificed in order to distract a horse-mounted tout. But, the reward made it all the more sweeter. I had come prepared with an extra water bottle, and nothing was stopping me now.
Photos from the top of a pyramid aren’t very exciting as there is nothing but other pyramids nearby. But, I have these boring photos none the less.
And my sister will have some special dirt as a wedding present.
